Living the Dream

Living the Dream is a phrase that can take on many different meanings. It is a phrase used often--not only at home but with our great friends. In fact--it is so important that Cullen actually has a tattoo of it on his arm. What does it mean? To me it means either 1 or 2....

1. Life is great--"I am living the Dream" (doing what I want and loving every minute of it)
2. Life stinks--"Just living the dream" (this sucks, I am crabby and nothing is going my way)

Today I have a mixture of 1 and 2--which is odd for me and I think the first time I have ever experienced them both together. In fact, I think I might have had them mixed all week.

Why? Well, I am not sure. But I think this morning I had my "ah ha" moment.

A piece of adoption that is very hard for me is the unknowing or inability to plan. You see--I have been a fundraiser and event planner since I graduated from college (about 10 years ago--oh Lord I am old). I like to plan and it doesn't just pertain to our future family, it pertains to vacations, weekend plans, daily plans. I love organizing. I was the kid who loved getting the new supplies for school (oh a fresh new box of crayons)....you get the picture. There is nothing planned about this process and it is scary. I have to continue to practice the art of letting go..Lord help me.

I said "I WILL not watch that show 16 and Pregnant". Nope--not good for the soul. Until the adoption episode came along. There I am Sunday evening alone in the basement crying. Yep, you read that right--crying. Shedding tears for the strong young man and woman who made an adoption plan for their child even though their own parents didn't support them. Shedding tears for the adoptive family as they embarked on the journey and shedding tears because I sometimes wonder if I am strong enough to deal with it all. That young couple had their hearts broken when they placed their baby in the adoptive mother's arms. They made the most unselfish decision during a time in their life when they are the most selfish. I actually cried for them, for their strength and for their love of that child. I actually said out loud in the dark basement "I don't know if I can do this".

So I would guess that might be why I have a mixture of it! But you know what the beauty of it is---tomorrow is a new day! Here is to a great weekend---a weekend of Living the Dream!