The Waiting is the Hardest Part

The song by Tom Petty has become my mantra as we wait for the call from our adoption agency. The "call" that will change our lives forever. We were officially entered into the waiting pool at the end of April. I go many days without thinking about it--without thinking about what the phone call will be like, without thinking about the emotions that will go with it and without worrying about how long it might take for us to get the call.

But I am far from perfect so there are some days when I do wonder about it, dream about it and get excited for it. It is hard to describe the feelings that are attached to the waiting process. Let me try:

Excited--can't wait to meet our future family (birth family and future child) and can't wait to
see my family and Cullen's family welcome the new addition
Nervous--can I really do this? It is more than parenting a biological child--
there are other things that come with adoption
Scared--do I even know how to take care of a baby?
I love sleeping--what will I do with NO sleep?
Blessed--to have such a great support system. Amazing husband, family, friends and
church community that love us and continue to keep us in their prayers
while we embark on this journey.
Empty--watching the people around me become moms and dads is hard at times.
To see the joy in their eyes, to see their pregnant bellies, to watch as they
anticipate their new arrival...it makes me sad, mad and most of all empty!

So, the waiting is hard but I am glad that we have a very busy life that keeps us moving and busy. We will focus on the here and now and do the things we have always wanted to do while we wait.

Did you know that I now get up 3-4 days a week at 5:45 a.m. to go to Jazzercise, did you know that we are going to Chicago in August to see two Pearl Jam concerts and that Cullen has been able to do many plays over the last couple years, fulfilling his creative gene....we are still blessed beyond belief. I know these things might change once we get the call but for now it is what we do to help keep us busy and we try to focus on living each day to the fullest!

My husband has given me many gifts in life, but one of the most important is teaching me to love music and to listen to music to soothe your soul. If I had a soundtrack to represent my life this particular song would be on it---read some of the lyrics and you will understand why!

Dream Big by Ryan. Shupe and the Rubber.bands
When you cry be sure to dry your eyes
'Cause better days are sure to come
And when you smile be sure to smile wide
Don't let them know that they have won
And when you walk, walk with pride
Don't show the hurt inside
Because the pain will soon be gone

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big

When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big